OPR: 99 SFS/SFX (SSgt Sauser) Certified by: 99 SFS/CCE(Capt America)
Approved by: 99 SFS/CC (Major Attitude)
Pages: 4
Distribution: F

This instruction details the actions Air Force NCOs must take in order to achieve great success when counseling subordinates. If you are an Airman or Lieutenant stop reading now, this instruction will be made available to you later in your career. If caught reading this, you will receive an immediate and brutal ass beating.

1. GENERAL. Most military leaders are able to accomplish their mission and correct Airman deficiencies with simple verbal counseling. Some Airmen however, fail to respond to this approach, and a more direct corrective action is required. With the Air Force not yet fully recovered from the "Quality AF" fuck up, the need to develop sound effective wall to wall counseling techniques is more important now than ever.

1.1. The higher percentage of liberal, college-trained airmen enlisting in the Air Force has resulted in not only more intelligent Airmen, but also Airmen who want to know "why" every time they are told to do something. Until now many leaders, upon being asked "why" has had to control the urge to slap the shit out of the Airman. The Air Force has recognized controlling these urges only results not only in high blood pressure and unexplained nervous twitches for the leader, but has denied Airmen the opportunity to learn the effectiveness of this style of leadership.

2. WHEN TO COUNSEL. This will be broken down into several different categories. This section is not all-inclusive, and the leader should not hesitate to initiate wall to wall counseling whenever or wherever it seems appropriate.

2.1. Minor offenses. Simple infractions of the rules can be dealt with quickly by a simple ass beating. Most Airmen appreciate this in the long run, as it saves them a visit to the Commander in their blues for UCMJ action, and has the added benefit of saving you paperwork. Some examples of minor offenses are as follows:

2.1.1. Lateness. A leader should evaluate this infraction prior to initiating wall to wall counseling actions. To conduct wall to wall counseling for a first offense, for example, would probably be counter-productive, and cause the Airman to lose motivation (possibly causing you to counsel at a later date for further infractions). If, however, the Airman has been late every day for a month, wall to wall counseling will not only be effective, but enjoyable.

2.1.2. Incompetence. If an Airman consistently proves themselves incapable of performing duties required for their given career field, he may indeed be a candidate for wall to wall counseling.

2.1.3. Challenging or defying authority. Airmen who harass or ignore your guidance are prime candidates for an ass beating. This philosophy has two goals, to correct the Airman's deficient behavior and to serve as a deterrent for others who challenge your supreme rule.

2.1.4. Fucking off. Airmen are naturally prone to fuck off when a supervisor is not around. This is detrimental to unit morale and effectiveness. This activity must be corrected immediately. A quick slap to the back of the head is usually the most effective, especially if the Airmen doesn't know you are in the area, and is caught totally off guard. Of course, Airmen who are repeat offenders may require more extensive counseling.

2.2. Major offenses. Includes, but is not limited to: rape, murder, arson, burglary etc. These crimes usually result in court martial action, and no supervisor counseling is required. In certain circumstances, however, a supervisor may want to initiate an ass beating until the arrival of a Law Enforcement patrol.

2.3. Other offenses. These are simple offenses that may be compounded into major headaches if not nipped in the bud immediately. Most of these apply to flight level personnel.

2.3.1. Failure to make fresh coffee for the day shift. This happens only on mids flights. Experience has shown that day shift flight chiefs who are submitted to coffee deprivation for this reason will spend their entire duty day in the superintendents or operations officers office, creating totally fucked up things for the mid shift to have to accomplish.

2.3.2. Excessive errors in reports and blotters. Any NCO who has been called in after a mid, or on their break, in order to fix administrative errors, knows it is vital to correct this activity immediately. If you kick the shit out of the offender at the soonest available opportunity, preferably in front of other potential offenders, it is most effective.

3. WHEN NOT TO COUNSEL. Wise leaders know there is a time and a place for everything. Wall to wall counseling is not an exception to this rule. Here are some potential circumstances when slapping the shit out of an airman might not be appropriate.

3.1. In front of your chain of command. This rule only applies to commissioned officers. Senior NCOs will fully understand and support your need to conduct wall to wall counseling in their presence, but a commissioned officer may not be familiar with the contents of this instruction, and you could find yourself in your blues at your own court martial. This is especially true of senior leaders(i.e., if you slap an airman in front of the Wing Commander).

3.2. In the case of overly large Airmen. Common sense should dictate this. If the Airman is twice your size, and can bench press a posting vehicle, wall to wall counseling should be postponed. You might want to find a partner or two to assist you in counseling this type of Airman. Also consider using specialized tools (ball bat, 2x4, tire iron)

3.3. In consideration of an Airman's hobbies. This is not out of respect for his feelings, but for your health. If, for example, the Airman is a black belt in karate, or was a finalist in the last Ultimate Fighting Championship, you might find yourself looking at the ceiling tiles in the emergency room wondering what the hell happened.

3.4. When the Airman in question is armed. This applies both to on duty Security Forces Airman, and those gang member wannabes. In this case, it is imperative you disarm the Airman prior to administering the beating. If the Airman voluntarily gives you the weapon, he is potentially retarded, and deserves to have his ass kicked. If not, the best thing to do is find an assistant who has a bigger gun than the Airman.

3.5. After drinking binges. Wall to wall counseling should never be conducted under t he influence of alcohol. There are three main reasons for this rule:

3.5.1. You may be unable to articulate properly the reason for the session. The Airman might come away thinking you just got wasted and kicked the shit out of him for no reason.

3.5.2. The Airman might not recognize this as a leadership action, and file assault charges against you. This problem is worse if the counseling session occurred off base, say at a bar.

3.5.3. Most importantly, you may be so drunk, that the Airman is able to turn the counseling session around and kick the shit out of you. Your problems will be compounded when the hospital labels your treatment as an "alcohol related incident", and you are enrolled in alcohol rehab program.

4. PREPARATION FOR COUNSELING. Like any other successful military operation, wall to wall counseling relies on proper preparation.

4.1. Find the best location. Location is very important. Not only do you not want to be interrupted during the session, but you also do not want any large objects the Airman can use to evade you or use as a weapon against you. Modern construction standards must be taken into consideration, as you could easily put an Airman through a wall. The condition of the Airman is not a real issue here, but you might have to pay for the damage to the wall.

4.2. Inform the Airman. Be careful about what you tell him prior to the Chief is done beating the shit out of you, he will probably have your ass thrown in jail, where you will become a sex toy for an ex-Marine named Brutus.

5. CLOSING COMMENTS. This instruction should enable you to improve the morale and ability of your unit to accomplish its mission. Wall to wall counseling enables the NCO to establish standards of conduct for Airman to follow, and provides a clear example of the penalty for violating those standards. It also has the added benefit of giving you an outlet for your frustration, leading to lower blood pressure and fewer visits to the commander's office in your blues when one of your boneheads fucks up.