Subject: 	FW: Fw: Tee Haws


 
 
Best T-shirts of 1999 -- Wash Post -- 
 
 
 
 (Around a picture of dandelions): I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won.
 
 So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me
 
 I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy
 
 God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
 
 If They Don't Have Chocolate in Heaven, I Ain't Going.
 
 At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All . .. I Just Can't
 Remember It All
 
 My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
 
 I Just Do What the Voices Inside My Head Tell Me to Do.
 
 (Picture of an open Bible on the front of the shirt, this on the back):
 When All Else Fails, Read the Directions.
 
 (Worn by a pregnant woman):
 A Man Did This to Me, Oprah
 
 (Spotted at a gay pride parade):
 My Son Just Came Out of the Closet and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.
 
 Thirteenth Amendment: Thou Shalt Not Whine
 
 If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?
 
 Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount
 
 Remains.com
 
 Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes, Seeks Frog
 
 (T-shirt on a "well-tattooed gentleman"):
 No, It Doesn't Hurt
 
 (T-shirt on a passing motorcyclist):
 If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off
 
 I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We're OK Now
 
 If I Had Known Being a Grandparent Was So Much Fun,
 I Would Have Done It First!
 
 (Over the outline of the state of Minnesota):
 My Governor Can Beat Up Your Governor
 
 Speak Fluent Patriarchy, but It's Not My Mother Tongue
 
 Veni, Vedi, Visa --
 I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
 
 What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
 
 I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian
 
 (On the front): Yale Is Just One Big Party.
 (On the back): With a $25,000 Cover Charge
 
 Coffee, Chocolate, Men . . . Some Things Are Just Better Rich
 
 Liberal Arts Major . . . Will Think for Food
 
 Growing Old Is Inevitable; Growing Up Is Optional
 
 Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
 
 IRS -- Be Audit You Can Be
 
 Gravity . . . It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.
 
 If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen
 
 First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed
 
 The Old Pro . . . Often Wrong . . . Never in Doubt
 (Spotted being worn by a friend who's 84.)
 
 In Dog Years, I'm Dead
 
 Love May Be Blind, but Marriage Is a Real Eye-Opener.
 
 If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You.
 
 Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade.
 
 It's Hard to Be Nostalgic When You Can't Remember Anything.
 
 Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off.
 
 Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship.
 
 I'm Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes.
 
 Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well.
 
 A Day Without Sunshine Is Like Night.
 
 A City Is a Large Community Where People Are Lonesome Together.
 
 First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.
 
 Old Age Comes at a Bad Time.
 
 In America, Anyone Can Be President. That's One of the Risks You Take.