The Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:
     
1. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
     
2. Directions to your doctor's office include: "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
     
3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgsicle.
     
4. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
     
5. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day".
     
6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to goodwill last month.
     
7. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.
     
8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
     
9. With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn't come in different colors with little "M" 's on them.
     
10. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.