Where the hell did they have THIS contest?!?


World Records


MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out
of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.

LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches
from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.

MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation,
completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.

ZIT POPPING
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England,
squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of
yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1inch.

WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage
and safely drunk is Khoona.  It is drunk by Afghani tribes men
on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of
still-warm very recently attained bull semen.
It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.

MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York.
It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka,
a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime.
It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused),
instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.

GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of
seminal fluid.  He also holds the records for the greatest height (12ft 4in)
and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.

LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American,
who produced a staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 minutes
which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in.
The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.

MOST PROLONGED FART
Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an
officially recorded time of 2 minutes 42 seconds.