Dog Haiku
 
 I love my master;
 Thus I perfume myself with
 This long-rotten squirrel.
 
 I lie belly-up
 In the sunshine, happier than
 You ever will be
 
 Today I sniffed
 Many dog assholes--I celebrate
 By kissing your face.
 
 I sound the alarm!
 Paperboy--come to kill us all--
 Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!   Look! 
 
 I sound the alarm!
 Garbage man--come to kill us all-- 
 Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!  Look!
 
 I lift my leg and
 Whiz on each bush .  Hello, Spot-
 Sniff this and  weep
 
 How do I love thee?
 The ways are numberless as
 My hairs on the rug.
 
 My human is home!
 I am so ecstatic I 
 Have made a puddle
 
 I Hate my choke chain--
 Look, world, they strangle me!  Ack 
 Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
 
 Sleeping here, my chin
 On your foot--no greater bliss--well, 
 Maybe catching rats
 
 Look in my eyes and
 Deny it.  No human could
 Love you as much I do
 
 The cat is not all
 Bad--she fills the litter box
 With Tootsie Rolls
 
 Dig under fence--why?
 Because it's there.  Because it's
 There.  Because it's there.
 
 I am your best friend,
 Now, always, and especially
 When you are eating.
 
 You may call them fleas,
 But they are far more--I call
 Them a vocation
 
 My owners' mood is
 Romantic--I lie near their
 Feet.  I fart a big one.