BIG SHOW BITS: DUMB CROOK NEWS See below: As heard on the John Boy & Billy
 Big Show: real, true stories of real dumb crooks, gleaned from newspapers,
 wire services, and web pages around the 
 world.  This edition first broadcast on April 6, 1999.
 
 OKAY YA STINKIN' HIPPIES -- TAKE THIS!
 Campus police are hoping to end a student sit-in at the University of 
 Toronto with a little help from...the Backstreet Boys. A group of students
 
 protesting the sale of clothing made in third-world sweatshops decided to 
 hammer their point home by occupying the college president's office. In 
 response, campus police are using boom boxes to blast the protesters with 
 Backstreet Boys music 24 hours a day. In the words of one protester: "This
 
 is probably the first time the Backstreet Boys have been used as a form of
 
 sleep-deprivation torture." The plan is apparently working: of the 19 
 students who started the protest, 11 have already given themselves up.
 
 IS THAT YOUR FINAL SCREWUP?
 A Knoxville, Tennessee crook gave himself away by forgetting one of the 
 cardinal rules of criminal behavior. Instead of keeping a low profile, The
 
 man -- wanted on a variety of charges -- flew to New York and appeared as
 a 
 contestant on a recent edition of the most popular show on television:
 ABC's
 
 "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." While he never actually made it off 
 contestants row to sit in the big chair across from Regis, his appearance
 on
 
 TV did make him a minor hometown celebrity. It also attracted the
 attention 
 of the Knoxville police department. The cops came by to arrest their man 
 when he showed up to tell all about his New York adventures during a guest
 
 appearance on a Knoxville radio station.
 
 OOPS -- WRONG CAN!
 Police in Los Angeles spotted a man driving erratically down a Hollywood 
 street at 2 AM, and pursued him for several blocks. wanting to dispose of 
 the evidence, the drunken suspect opened his car door to dispose of a can
 of
 
 beer he was drinking. Unfortunately, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and 
 managed to toss himself out of the car along with the beer can. He was 
 treated for cuts and bruises, then booked on a DUI charge.
 
 MAN "DRAGS" HIMSELF INTO COURT
 After years of a stormy relationship, a man in Modesto, California had
 been 
 placed under a restraining order by his estranged wife. Eager to get the 
 order lifted, Mr. Bozo decided to try a rather unconventional strategy: he
 
 went before the judge...disguised as Mrs. Bozo. Despite the man's dress, 
 black wig, red lipstick, high heels and falsetto voice, the judge in the 
 case was not fooled. The cross-dressing husband was arrested.
 
 HELLO, OLE? ARE YOU...OOPS!
 Two men in Rotterdam, Holland smashed a window and broke into a local
 sports
 
 arena. As the thrillseekers prowled around inside, they heard police 
 arriving to invistigate the sound of the breaking glass. Thrillseeker #1 
 made a break for it, rushing out of the arena with the cops in hot
 pursuit. 
 Thrillseeker #2 realized he had not been spotted and hid inside a restroom
 
 to wait for the rest of the officers to leave. As the cops were finishing 
 their sweep of the building, they heard a cell phone ring. The sound led 
 them right to number two's hiding place. The call had come from
 Thrillseeker
 
 #1 -- who had outrun the cops and was calling his buddy to check on him.
 
 DUFUS UBER ALES
 A teenager in Berlin, Germany on his way to a court hearing to face
 charges 
 of leaving the scene of an accident ran a red light. When German police 
 stopped the teen, they discovered he was driving to his court date in...a 
 stolen bus. Said one official: "well, at least he was on time for court."
 
 DIMWIT HAS BRAIN BROWNOUT
 A man in Gloucester, Virginia went from being in the dark to being in very
 
 hot water recently. After the power to the man's mobile home was shut off,
 
 he got what he thought was a bright idea: he would get his power by
 running 
 an extension cord to an empty trailer right next door. The man broke the 
 lock on the door and stepped inside -- and found half a dozen guns pointed
 
 right in his face. The trailer the man thought was empty was actually
 filled
 
 with police officers conducting a drug sting.
 
 JACKASS GOES TO KANGAROO COURT
 A man in Russellville, Arkansas who gave graphic expression to his
 contempt 
 of court got 10 months in jail for mooning the judge. The unemployed 
 defendant was representing himself on a disorderly conduct charge for 
 allegedly causing a disturbance at a hospital. At one point, the man 
 objected that he was being tried in a ''kangaroo court'' and began using 
 foul language. Then he dropped his pants, bent over and gave Municipal
 Judge
 
 Dennis Sutterfield a view of his rear end. The judge said it was the first
 
 time in his 14 years on the bench that he had been mooned.
 
 FLUSH WITH SUCCESS
 A man robbed the Spivey State Bank in Swainsboro, Georgia and got away 
 clean. His luck ran out several days later when he called a motel desk
 clerk
 
 to report that the commode in his bathroom was backed up. The plumber who 
 responded to the call discovered the toilet was clogged with paper coin 
 wrappers from the bank robbery. He called police, who made a quick arrest.
 
 OKAY...HOW BOUT SOME MCDONALDLAND COUPONS?
 Two undercover police women running a sting operation in Dothan, Alabama 
 were propositioned three separate times by the same 70-year-old man in a 
 pickup truck. On his first stop, the man tried to buy the women's services
 
 with three squirrels he had just shot. The women said "no thanks." A few 
 minutes later, he came by again and offered to throw in a refrigerator he 
 was carrying in the back of the pickup truck. Again, the women declined. 
 Finally, he stopped a third time and offered $6 in cash -- but without the
 
 squirrels and the refrigerator. The women finally told the man they were 
 police officers, and would arrest him if he came back again. He drove off 
 and never returned.
 
 WELL...WE CAN SEE YOU'RE NUTS
 A New York City firefighter was arrested after he broke into a restaurant
 --
 
 naked -- and spent the wee hours helping himself to gourmet foods and 
 expensive wines. The suspect was positively identified as the burglar when
 
 the restaurant's surveillance camera recorded the incident, and got
 several 
 clear shots of a large picture of "Mr. Peanut" tattooed on the man's rear 
 end.
 
 AND FINALLY...
 A man in Olathe, Kansas charged with manslaugher by DUI case was granted 
 bail on the condition that he not drive a car. The man arrived late for
 his 
 first court hearing and absentmindedly explained to the judge that he was 
 running late because he'd had trouble finding a parking space.