A guy was sitting calmly in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck -- pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" the first guy asked. "Omigod I've been transferred to Los Angeles", the second answered. "They've got race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate in the world, smugglers, aliens..." "Hold on," said the first. "I've been in Los Angeles all my life, and its not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said "Oh, thank God. I was worried to death, but if you live there and you say it's okay, I'll take your word for it. By the way, what do you do for a living?" "Me?" said the first guy. "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."