YOU MIGHT BE A CAJUN IF.... You start an angel food cake with a roux. Watching "Wild Kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook. You think the head of the United Nations is Boudreaux-Boudreaus-Guillory. You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids. You think boudin, hogshead cheese and Bud is a bland diet. You think Groundhog Day and Boucherie Day are the same holiday. You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco. Fred's Lounge in Mamou means more to you than the Grand Ole Opry. You have an "envie" for something instead of a craving. You use a #3 washtub to cover your lawn mower or outboard motor in your yard. You use a gill net to play tennis, badminton, or volleyball. You use 2 or more pirogues to cover your newly planted tomatoes to protect them from a late frost. The horsepower of your outboard motor is greater than the motor in your car. You pass up a trip abroad to go to the Crawfish Festival in Breaux Bridge. Your favorite TV talk show is Okra Winfrey. Your children's favorite bedtime story begins, " First you make a roux." Your school teaches the four Basic Food Groups as broiled seafood, boiled seafood, fried seafood, and beer. You are asked to name the "Fab Four" and answer, Paul Prudhomme, John Folse, Justin Wilson, and Vernon Roger." Your description of a gourmet dinner includes the words "deep fat fried". You think the Mason-Dixon line is at Bunkie. You let your black coffee cool and it gels. You describe a yard of boudin and cracklins as "breakfast". Your mama announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cookin'...what will we have for dinner?" None of your potential vacation destinations are north of the Old Mississippi River Bridge. You refer to Louisiana winters as "Gumbo Weather". You get a disapproving look from your wife, and describe it as "She passed me a pair of eyes." You think of gravy as a beverage. You greet your long lost friend at the Lafayette International Airport with "aaaaaeeeeeeeeee" You sit down to eat boiled crawfish and your host says, " Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what he means. You learned Bourre' the hard way...holding yourself upright in your crib. You don't know the real names of your friends, only their nicknames. You gave up Tabasco for Lent. You know the difference between Zatarans, Zeringue, and Zydeco. Your dog thinks the bed of your pickup is his kennel. You can look at a rice field and tell how much gravy it will take to cover the rice.