> JAILBIRD TO LOVEBIRD AND BACK AGAIN > A prison inmate in Honolulu, Hawaii walked away from a work detail just > five months shy of finishing an eight-year sentence. The fugitive > apparently > couldn't wait for parole because he wanted to get married to his longtime > girlfriend. The pair never got to go on their honeymoon, though-an > employee at the marriage license bureau alerted police when loverboy > tried to use his prison ID to apply for the marriage license. > > A ONE-WAY TICKET TO STUPEYVILLE > A career criminal in Portland, Oregon hatched a scam to earn some easy > pocket cash: he printed up some phony charity raffle tickets and made > quite a bundle selling them around town. Police received numerous > complaints, > but were never able to crack the case until the man sold one of the phony > tickets to someone who already had cause to be a bit suspicious of him: > his parole officer. > > CHECK OUT HIS WEBSITE AT WWW.BAD-IDEA.COM > A computer hacker in Fort Collins, Colorado discovered a security flaw in > an internet company's e-commerce website. The hacker threatened to reveal > the weakness publicly unless the company paid him thousands in cash, along > with a new Volvo station wagon. He was busted when gave the target company > his > name and home address for delivery of the Volvo. > > EASTBOUND AND DUMB > Most people steal vehicles for money. A thief in New Orleans apparently > did it to brush up on his driving skills. The man stole ten > tractor-trailer > truck cabs over a period of several days, then abandoned them within a > few blocks of his house. When detectives searched the man's home, they > found > applications to several truck-driver training schools. > > IRONIC CROOK NEWS > A man in Gorham, New York was arrested after assaulting his father at > home. Investigators say the suspect got mad and beat his dad over the > head with > a rolled-up pamphlet about preventing domestic violence. > > YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK > The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has come to the defense of an > Arkansas railroad dispatcher who was fired because he has a heart > condition that can cause him to pass out on the job. The EEOC is assisting > the > worker by arguing that "consciousness, in itself, is not a job function." > > DON'T WORRY-IT WASN'T IN A VITAL AREA > A man in Chester, South Carolina was arrested on a weapons charge after > he pretended to be shot. The convicted felon fired a .22-caliber rifle out > the window of his house and then put ketchup on his head and lay on the floor. The man's wife called 911 when she found him, and deputies > responded. He > told deputies the shooting was a joke, but federal law makes it illegal > for convicted felons to handle or fire guns. > > THE DUMBEST NAME IN THE SHIPPING BUSINESS > A courier in Columbia, South Carolina making a delivery to a State office > Building noticed several brand new computer printers stacked near the > building's exit and decided to help himself to one of them, which he took > home and hooked up to his personal computer. The courier then returned to > work-and found police wating to arrest him. The suspect had made three > big mistakes: he was spotted making the "reverse delivery," he was > wearing his employer's emblem on his shirt, and the printer was the > property of a > state Supreme Court justice. > > ESCAPE PLAN FALLS FLAT A Detroit shoplifting suspect was crushed to death after fleeing the > store's security guards. As the guards spotted the woman and approached her, she > made a break for it and hid in the store's trash compactor. The woman was > crushed after workers who were loading trash into the compactor started > the machine. They had been on a break when the woman hid inside the > machine > and didn't notice she was there until they restarted it. > > TIMING IS EVERYTHING > A disturbed man barricaded himself into a room at the Economy Inn in Long > Beach, Mississippi and held police at bay for several hours. While a > police negotiator tried to talk the man into surrendering, a SWAT team > surrounded the building and kept watch on the motel with thermal imaging equipment. > The team, which thought the area was secured, was amazed to see two men > sneak > onto the scene and start breaking into a car in the motel parking lot. > Said the chief of police: "It was like a hunter seeing a deer. They all > had > their black uniforms on and were hidden. Then these two idiots came along. > You > can only imagine their surprise." The car thieves were quickly and quietly > arrested, and the distraught gunman later surrendered. Said the chief: > "It was a good night for the Long Beach Police Department. And a bad night > for those two idiots." > > HURRY UP WITH THAT BAIL MONEY-WE'RE LATE FOR "SPRINGER!" > A Batesville Arkansas woman was injured when her car collided with one > driven by her father-in-law. After the accident, the two got out of their > cars and exchanged gunfire. Both were arrested. When other family members > came to bail the pair out of jail, another fight erupted. Several police > officers were injured, and several more family members joined the first > two in jail. > > THE ONE THAT DIDN'T GET AWAY > A bride-to-be in Prestonburg, Kentucky didn't show up at the church for > her wedding. But it wasn't because she got cold feet-in fact, it was > because she had hot fingers. The woman had been jailed for shoplifting her > wedding gown and several other accessories from a local bridal shop. > > SHADETREE GENIUS MIDASIZES HIMSELF > A Wesley Chapel, Florida man suffered a self-inflicted gunshot wound > while working on his car. Apparently, the repairs involved drilling a hole > into > the car's exhaust pipe. The man couldn't find a drill-but he was able > to lay his hands on a pistol, so he decided to try to shoot the hole > instead. His aim apparently wasn't any better than his idea, and the > bullet > riccocheted back at him. > > AND FINALLY... > A Roanoke, Virginia police officer spotted a drunken man staggering down > the street and followed him for several blocks before stopping him. The > officer asked the man about a blue ribbon pinned to his hat, and was told > he had > just won a beer-drinking contest at a local bar. The winner was > congratulated...then arrested.